Frustrations

One of the most frustrating part of being a wheelchair dad is the inability to do so many simple little things that daddies can do. Carry the luggage when we travel. Help carry number 1 up the stairs while wife struggles with buggy and number 2. Fix a curtain rail, hang a picture, lift that book down from the high shelf. I guess this frustration is not specific to being a dad - it's just that the constant state of exhaustion that having young children induces exaggerates the effects. My wife is already worn out without having to deal with these little things.

Every time I think of something I would like us to go - a trip somewhere, it is immediately followed by the realization that my wife has to carry the biggest burden of the logistics. I can drive the car, I can hold a child (or children) for a while. But I can't load the car, I can't help with the simple little chores of the day.

One of the secrets to survival in a wheelchair is to focus on the positive. When we can walk we can do maybe, 10,000 things, when we lose the ability to walk we can do maybe 9,000 things. So you focus on the 9,000 and forget the other 1,000. But where that breaks down is when we have to watch someone we love struggle with one or two of those 1,000 things because we are unable to do them. That's the bit that is most difficult to deal with and is the bit that reminds you about the dis in disability.

Every day is a journey - through sadness and joy, through pain and pleasure, through focusing on the positive and controlling the negative.

Imparting Special Memories...

When Number 1 was younger, we were eating out in a local restaurant. It is a small, intimate place, with tables quite closely packed. I wheeled into the restaurant with Number 1 sitting on my lap. I noticed a lady at an adjacent table give me a very strange look, which I interpreted as disapproval. Ignoring her, We took our table and settled in. I saw her getting up and approaching us. I braced myself for something that could be an unpleasant encounter, preparing my arguments. We had every right to bring our child with us, and carrying her on my lap is perfectly safe even if it looks dangerous to others. But instead, she said something like the following:

"Excuse me for intruding, but I just saw you come through the door with your beautiful daughter on your lap. My father was in a wheelchair, and I still remember riding on his lap as a very young girl. It was the best place in the world - I always felt like a princess when I was there. Seeing you brought all those memories back to me, I hope you don't mind me sharing!"

Mind? It was lovely - a truly beautiful statement and one that I still think of often. It is worth remembering that we wheelchair parents can impart feelings and memories to our children that are unique to our situation. A case of enrichment, not loss.

Why?

The first entry on a blog is always the hardest. Where do I begin? Well, why is always a good starting point so....

I am a paraplegic, I have a wonderful family, and I live an active life, working and travelling and, with my wife, raising two kids. On the web I have found really very little information that is practical and useful for a person in my position. So I decided to start a blog to share my experiences about life, the universe, and the experience of being a daddy who is "differently abled" (to use that horrible term - more on this at some later date maybe). This is not (will not be) a place for me to talk lovingly about my wonderful family (tempting as that may be). I intend to keep to the topic of "living with a disability" and to discuss my family and my experiences only in that context. If you want gushing descriptions about wonderful children from "unbiased" parents - well the web is full of that kind of stuff.

What I do want to try to focus on, is how disability shapes my ability to function and engage with our society - both inside and outside the home. So I may get a little philosophical sometimes, but I certainly intend to get practical (for example - why I think Babee Tenda cribs and feeding tables are the greatest invention since...well cribs and feeding tables were invented! More on this later I hope). It is the lack of practical information for disabled parents (or those considering becoming parents) that I find most frustrating. Perhaps this little corner of the web will help address that.

Read my disclaimer if you make any decisions based on my experiences. These are my experiences, and mine only (hands off!) and I cannot speak for anyone else.

That's it for "Why?". I now have to figure out how to get a blog up and running...